Many women do not realize that after the baby is born, there is still several months to go before both mom and baby are through what is known as the 4th Trimester. The 4th Trimester is the birth and the few months that directly follow birth, and all that happens with mom and baby throughout this very sensitive time.
After my first daughter was born, I remember going through some very intense emotions. I was overjoyed but also crippled in fear. There was a constant stream of terrorizing thoughts flowing through my mind and I often found myself panicked or in tears. It started with ‘Is she breathing?’, ‘Is she still alive?’, and rapidly became ‘Will she be a kind person when she grows up?’, ‘Will she make friends?’, ‘Will she get her heart broken?’, ‘How can I protect her?’…. I was so worried about things so far into the future, and all I could think about was her. I was physically and mentally drained and yet I couldn’t stop.
Once the initial worries began to fade a little bit, and I didn’t nearly have a heart attack every time my daughter coughed, I began trying to get “back to normal”. I started to realize this constant world of mother fog I was living in was still heavy around me, and it was nearly impossible to return to my ever so organized and quick thinking self. My second daughter was born just two months ago and I am noticing it even more this time around. I feel like I am stupid! I used to joke to my husband that our daughters took my smarts from me and left me with nothing.
So for any women out there who may be feeling the same frustration, here is a little science you may find interesting…
During pregnancy and well after birth the maternal body undergoes extreme hormonal changes. Because MRI’s are not the safest thing to do during pregnancy, research is limited, but what we do know is this… Pregnancy has been proven to result in decreasing grey matter volume, which suggests the brain ages with pregnancy and well into postpartum. This is concluded from an algorithm described as brianAGE.
OK, so in lay-mans terms, basically a team of researchers in 2016 ran a study where they took a look at women’s brains (via MRI) before and after pregnancy and the result showed that their brains’ grey matter (the tissue that contains cell bodies and nerve cells) had shrunk. Many women complain of issues such as memory loss, lack of concentration, or confusion during pregnancy and during postpartum, and this study proves that to be true.
But, It’s not so bad after all…
Alright, so that sounds terrible right? Well it is not so bad, and here is why. Because a maternal brain loses grey matter is partially due to the fact they are gaining an extremely increased sense of social cognition. Therefore a mother has the ability to read their baby and know what their baby needs better than anyone else. We have, in all senses of the matter, become the adult extension of our children until they are able to think for themselves right around 2 years old, which is when a maternal brain begins to grow that grey matter back again. Crazy right?
Check out related articles here, and here.
Yes, it is still annoying that I am clumsy, slow, and forgetful! However, even though it is true that I am spacey and it is not solely due to exhaustion, KNOWING WHY makes it a little bit less frustrating. I realize that I am a mother now and responsible for these little humans, and that just means I do not need to keep track of where I put the batteries as much as I need to know when my daughter is not feeling well or needs a hug!
What is baby going through?
With all that said, it is also helpful to know that your baby goes through a 4th trimester too. Some believe that a baby is born too early. That may seem insane to a mother who at 9 months is more than ready to get the little guy out, but the world of a newborn is parallel to someone experiencing an extreme acid trip. A soup bowl or blur moving constantly, mixed with intensified sensual sensitivities to light, sound, and temperature.
Think of your newborn as a fetus outside of the womb. The first 3 months of a newborns life is a time for an enormous amount of change and development. You may have heard a mother, grandmother, or other friend or family member make the joke that a baby has “such a hard life“. The truth is, those first few months of their life IS truly very hard for them! They are growing their eye sight, adjusting to bright colors and shapes, and learning the difference between dimensions. They learn motor control and gain muscle and bone strength. Infants can even triple in size and weight, and begin to use their own vocal cords and move with intention.
See related articles here and here.
All these changes will tucker a poor little newborn out, and they really need their mothers and care takers during this time. So even though we may be missing the days when we could whip through our to-do list in one afternoon, our need is much greater in the form of being there for a growing baby.
Just remember, this too will pass! In just a few short years you will be sitting there missing those first few months of never ending snuggles when your toddler is running around getting into everything!