The love you learn when you have your first baby is indescribable. The whole experience of being pregnant for the first time, giving birth for the first time, and holding your child for the first time is something that no one can really describe with words. The second born child is just as special, but now that the first child has been getting all the moments with you, they will now have to realize that they no longer get ALL the attention ALL the time. This kind of change can be really hard on such a small mind!
My daughter, Aria, is my first born and oldest. She is about 15 months right now and has been the apple of our eyes since the day she was born. When I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter I began to get really excited to introduce Aria to her baby sister! I imagined them taking naps curled up together, and playing imagination together, and just plain being the best of friends. I also kind of expected Aria to like her new sister right away… It was a challenge for me to realize that for Aria to really understand that this is her sister and what that means, was something that I would need to help her learn!
Jealousy is an emotion that is not healthy for one child to feel about another because it can cause resentment. Once a child is able to understand that they now have a sibling and how special that is, it can be much easier for them to no longer feel jealousy. Today I am sharing 9 ways you can teach your first born to like, love, and appreciate your second born and why these tips have worked so well for me.
Introduce Baby 1 to Baby 2
Coming home with a new baby can be difficult for your 1st born to understand, and they might be upset right away. Not knowing who the baby is, why it is here, and why it is not leaving, can be frustrating to a toddler who is used to getting all of the attention. Take a special moment to introduce the new baby to your toddler, and kind of make a big deal out of it.
When my second daughter, Ella was born I had a friend bring my toddler, Aria into the hospital to meet her little sister. I was really excited for this moment and I knew I wanted to make it really special for her. I introduced Aria to the new baby and made a point to say, “Look, Aria! This is YOUR baby sister! This is Aria’s baby sister! You are so lucky!”. I put Aria on the hospital bed surrounded by pillows, and placed Ella directly onto her lap and let go. I said, “Wow, look at you! You are so good at holding, YOUR baby sister! Good job Aria!”. Aria responded with huge smiles and instantly was curious about this new baby that was apparently hers. I know it made bringing home the new baby something that made more sense to her now. It is after all her baby sister, so it needed to come home too.
Call Baby By Name
Giving things names makes them more special, and for a toddler this is a big deal. Learning what the cow says, the puppy says, or horsey says is one thing, but knowing what the family dog’s name is makes that puppy different from the rest.
I made a point to always call Ella by her name right away. I wanted Aria to know that her sister is not just a baby, she is Ella. It was really important to me that Aria called her little sister by her name, and it was not long before she did. She now calls her little sister “Wah Wah” which means Ella, and calls other baby’s “BB”. Making it clear that Ella is different from other baby’s helps her to appreciate her sister! For Example: I took my daughter to dance the other day and she saw another baby sitting in a car seat. She walked up to the baby, pointed and said “BB”, she then proceeded to walked over to me quickly and with a concerned look on her face saying “Dee wah wah” which I assume means “where is Ella”. This made me smile so big! She remembered she has a baby too, her sister and now needed to know she was ok.
Assign Special Jobs
One of the best things you can do for your toddler when teaching them to love their new sibling, is teaching them to help take care of them. Having a special job or responsibility not only teaches your toddler responsibility, but it teaches your toddler that their new sibling needs them. This helps to create a love and appreciation for the new sibling.
The first job I assigned to Aria was to hand me a diaper when I was changing Ella. From day one I said, “Aria? Can you hand me a diaper for Ella? She needs a clean butt to feel better! Can you help me make Ella’s butt all better?” Aria instantly knew what to do and proceeded to hand me every single diaper she could find. Although I do not need 50 diapers to change my newborn, it is special that that is Aria’s job and I have learned to love it. Now when I go to change Ella’s diaper, Aria gets up right away to help.
Ask for Advice
Your new baby is going to be a part of everyday from here on out. Allowing your toddler to be a part of the decisions you need to make every day all day, not only helps them to love and appreciate the new baby, but it helps them to feel important and a part of what the baby needs everyday. For example; letting your toddler choose the yellow or the blue shirt for the baby to wear, or which blanket the baby should be wrapped up in, makes them feel like they are a part of the baby’s life.
Aria gets to help me decide on pretty much everything for Ella. I like to make Aria a part of everything I do, and she is so sweet and confident for it. “Where should we go today, Aria? What should we have for dinner?” are examples of things I ask her everyday so she feels like she is different from the baby and has no need to be jealous. I will also then ask her, “Can you tell me which pacifier is Ella’s favorite? Can you sing Ella’s favorite song to her so she can smile?”. These are opinions that Aria is able to develop for her baby sister all on her own, which makes the concept of Ella being her baby sister even stronger.
Encourage Pride
One of the most special moments to experience as a mother is watching one sibling be proud of the other. You can encourage this by making cheering and clapping for the baby fun and exciting! One way to do this is to make a big deal out of small things like when the baby smiles you can exclaim that the baby is smiling at your toddler.
This is my favorite tip of all because my heart literally swells each time I see Aria clap for Ella. Ella is at an age now where she is smiling a lot, and she will smile at anyone and everyone who talks to her. Every single morning I have Aria say good morning to Ella and watch Aria beam as Ella smiles up at her! We also spend tummy time together and the whole thing is fun for Aria because as Ella holds up her head or attempts to roll over we exclaim “Yay Ella!” and clap. Aria knows this is ‘yay Ella’ time and will actually dance and clap the whole time! It is a beautiful thing.
Explain Roles
Understanding that having a baby sibling means that they are now a big sister or brother, is very important for a toddler. This may be hard to encourage since it makes it seem like your toddler is growing up too fast. The truth is, your toddler is growing up, but this is such a special time in that process! Teaching your toddler their role as a big sibling not only helps them to feel love and protection for the baby, but helps them to understand that they are important and respected in their role.
When I was little I was the oldest of five at home. I remember feeling responsible for my little brothers and sisters and always wanted to make sure they were ok. This feeling of protection is still strong today, and I know it will never go away. I want Aria to know that as a big sister she is able to teach her little sister the things she knows and that she can always be the one to take care of her. I like to have Aria hold Ella from time to time, give hugs and kisses, and even help feed her the bottle. It is adorable because when Ella cries now, Aria will run over with a bottle or pacifier and try to put it in Ella’s mouth to help her feel better.
Acknowledge Feelings
There will be days that your toddler is just plain tired of the new baby and may not be in a good mood about it for that day no matter what you do. It is important to be in-tuned to your toddler’s feelings and react accordingly so that they do not feel bad for having emotion. It is sometimes easy to forget that your toddler is still a baby too.
There are days where I can tell Aria is just plain fed up with Ella, and she simply doesn’t want to help at all. I know that usually it is a day where Aria may be teething, didn’t get enough sleep, or simply is growing and wants to be babied herself. I try to make sure I am extra sensitive to her on those days and let her know I hear her. One thing I want to mention here is that because I am raising girls, I want to always be extra aware of their emotions and respect them. Being a girl is hard and having to deal with emotions, menstrual cycles, and just the normal ups and downs a girl goes through, can make growing up hard enough as it is. I want to teach my girls that on hard days it is ok to take it easy, ask for comfort, and take care of themselves. I am starting them at a young age to know this so that hopefully when they are older they can know how to get through hard days with more grace.
Make Alone Time Special
Having two babies is a lot of work, but it is important to make special time for your oldest. They are your first born and always will be, make those alone time moments extra special so they can know that they are important in ways different from the baby. Doing things that only a big sister or brother can do like going to the park or out for ice cream is an example of this.
When I have alone time with Aria, aside from doing something extra special and usually getting her a treat or new toy, I also like to make a point to chat a little bit about how wonderful she is as a big sister AND as an individual. I will say things like “You are the best big sissy to Ella, aren’t you?” and “Aria, I love how beautiful you sound when you sing!”. This make the whole time alone with momma a full on love tank filler because she is getting a little bit of each love language; hugs and kisses, a new toy or treat, word of praise, and total one on one attention.
Talk For Baby
It can be hard for a toddler to understand why a baby doesn’t talk or smile at them, especially when they are doing such a good job of being a big sister or brother. It may sounds silly but try talking for the baby to show your toddler that the baby loves them, appreciates them, and thanks them for loving them back.
I do this a lot and it is actually a ton of fun! Most of the time it is in response to something Aria might say, or it will be in the form of “Ella says, ‘Oh thank you Aria I really wanted my pacifier!'” or “Ella says, ‘I love you Aria!'”. Again, it may sound silly but it actually has a huge affect on Aria and she will always respond with big smiles or by giving hugs/kisses to Ella. SO SWEET!
All nine of these tips are just some of hundreds of ways to teach your toddler to love your baby. As they grow as siblings they learn new ways of growing in their bond together all on their own too. Enjoy these first moments of them together, document it, and one day show them what their first years together were like so that those moments can be forever cherished in their hearts and yours.