Last weeks post talked about how I was sure the terrible twos came early to our house, and quickly found out that Aria was teething. Well today I am talking about real terrible two problems, tantrums, because regardless of the teething I have still been steering my way through that issue as well. I have been putting some tactics into practice and I am here today to share what those are and how they have been working for us!
Prevention
The number one way I have found to kick a tantrum in the butt is to make sure it never happens at all. Being aware of when your toddler will be tired, hungry, or uncomfortable will make the tantrums less likely to occur. I actually even have a sense of when my girls will probably poo and therefore try to make sure we are in a comfortable place to avoid discomfort for them, blow outs, and have the ability to change them right away.
Love Them
One of the things I remember promising myself when I was young, was that I would always remember what it felt like to be young. I wanted to make sure I didn’t forget the emotions and the fears I struggled with even though they may seem so small once adult problems entered my world. It may seem silly to us that our toddler collapses to the ground at Target because we walked by the toy section and did not stop. But I try to remember that it is far more emotionally disappointing to a 17 month old who just saw the most amazing Minnie Mouse doll and is crushed that she didn’t get a closer look.
That might sound like a spoiled point of view, but my point is not to give in to their tantrums, but to show that they are understood. Get down and hug them, hold them close and whisper in their ear that it is ok to feel upset, but that you promise everything will be ok. Sometimes a hug is all it takes. I find that if I get down to Aria’s level and take each of her hands into mine, wait for her to calm down and then speak to her quietly and calmly that she will often calm down herself.
Ignore
Sometimes there is not much you can do but ignore a tantrum that is simply going on for attention. I find that Aria will throw small fits if she sees me giving attention to Ella. She will fall to the ground and roll around until I get up and tend to her. The problem with this is that she will do it again and again because she knows the behavior will get her what she wants. Another example of this is bedtime. Aria knows that if she screams and throws her dolls out of her crib someone will come up and try to calm her down. She does this because she wants that attention. We found out that if we run upstairs to give her her dolls over and over again it would take hours before she actually went to sleep. Ignoring the behavior, she would eventually ware herself out and go to sleep on her own.
Remain Calm
Trust me, I know this one is hard, but remaining calm when your toddler throws a fit is very important to show them how to act themselves. Getting worked up and yelling at them will only encourage them to lash out as well. I happen to be able to remain calm pretty easily and I do not know why that is, but my hope is that I can set that example for my girls and teach them that upset or not, staying calm, cool, and collected will always result in the better outcome.
Encourage Them To Use Their Words
I have decided that from the time that your toddler can start to express themselves with words, it is time to encourage them to use them as much as possible. Aria will often whine at me and I have been working hard on refraining from getting her what she needs or answering her until she uses her words to express herself. I will ask her, what is it you need? Can you use your words to tell me? If she seems stumped I will offer suggestions to her like, water? Juice? Up? Outside? and she will soon react with a smile and repeat the word for the thing she needed. I also use this tactic when I want her to use her manners and say please or thank you.
Diversion
Younger aged toddlers have a pretty short attention span, so offering a diversion when they throw a fit can typically end the tantrum quite quickly. Pick them up and take them outside, show them a new toy, turn on a cartoon, or take them to another room. The new item or space can occupy their senses and soon the reason for the tantrum is long forgotten.
Consequences
I have started giving Aria ultimatums when she reacts in a tantrum. It is not more then simply a short time out, or the removal of a toy for a few minutes, but is has been quite affective so far! It is teaching her that her reactions have consequences and that she needs to be mindful of how she acts in order to avoid the consequences.
Give Them Space
Finally, giving quiet space to calm down on their own is another way to help a tantrum fizzle out. This one has been hard for me, but has proven to be very affective as well. I will take Aria away from the situation and put her in a quiet corner or on the couch and hold her there until she calms down. Once she has calmed down all the way I will turn her to face me and explain why her behavior is not ok. I often like to give her a way to resolve her tantrum as well, by asking her to say she is sorry, give her sister a hug, or share her toy.
In the end these are the days that will test our patience for sure, but remembering that it is our jobs to guide our testy toddlers through these emotions will help both them and us to get through it faster!