In honor of Mother’s Day my good friend Casey (Collectively Casey) and I have decided to talk about Motherhood. After today’s post be sure to stop over to read what Casey has to say about what it means to be a good mom!
“I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom!” – the words of Regina George’s mother, and exactly what I think of when someone says that they are a cool mom. But in reality, I think a cool mom is just a mom that instead of being the scary authoritative figure all the time, is someone that can be a fun friend too. As mothers, we teach our children what is right and what is wrong, we help them to learn how to follow the rules and how to take care of themselves in preparation of one day letting them go. The time goes by so quickly, and even though there are days our kids make us want to pull our hair out and scream, it won’t be long before we are missing them. I do not want to look back at this time and wish I had done something differently, or that I had done more or less. I know that it is probably inevitable regardless, but at least right now I can do everything I can to strive for avoiding that. In my personal opinion I think you can be a cool mom while still being a good mom. Today I am sharing exactly why I believe that, and how you can do it!
Be Intentional in the Relationship
Talk with Them
Remember that first word your child spoke? That sweet little voice saying “mama” or “dada”, and how you could sit there and listen to them all day long? As time goes on and life gets busier it can be hard to remember to sit down and just shoot the breeze with your kids. Ask them what their favorite song is these days, or if they want to learn how to whistle. Listen to them share the dream they had last night, or talk about what they want to dress up as for halloween this year. Being a cool mom means your children can just talk to you about anything like they would a friend, and these are conversations that you will cherish forever.
Surprise Them
Most everyone loves a good surprise every once in a while, and it is one of my favorite things to do for my girls. Even though my daughters are very young still, it is so fun to see my oldest’s face when I come into the room out of the blue with huge white poster board and finger paint. Or to watch my youngest squeal with delight when I turn up the music and dance for her. Take the time to go out of your way to surprise your kids on a day that is not their birthday, and go have fun with them! Take your daughter on a surprise shopping spree, or take your son to the arcade on a random Wednesday afternoon!
Join in on Their Interests
I am pretty confident that at some point in every child’s life they get into playing with legos. I have this memory of my Dad one night as a kid. He came into the living room with this giant box of legos, poured them out onto the floor in a massive pile and started to build the coolest castle ever. He sat there for several hours just building legos with us, and even though that was literally it, I will never forget it. My daughter loves Mickey Mouse and I have purposely forced myself to take an interest in Mickey Mouse too, and it is so fun! I now spot anything Mickey Mouse (dresses, stuffed animals, shoes, snacks…) like I have a radar for it or something! The point is to take an interest in your child’s interest, show them that you care about what they care about, and heck maybe you will get into it too!
Watch Movies they Like
One of the best ways to understand your child, especially once they start entering their teenage years, is to watch the movies they are interested in with them. You may roll your eyes at the title “A Girls Dream Boat” and know your settling in for a sappy, badly produced, cheesy teenage romance, but if you can sit through it or even get into it, you may be surprised that you are able to connect with your teenage daughter and realize you completely forgot that you once went through the same puberty stages. It might drive you absolutely mad to listen to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song, but if you can instead sing along and clap to it, your toddler will think you are the best thing ever.
Be Involved
Get Down and Play
I am 100% a list maker and must-get-it-all-done-today type of mom. I like to wake up each morning and schedule out my entire day with barely a second of time in between to just sit down and relax. If anyone is guilty of ok, tomorrow I will read those books to my girls, or tomorrow I will take the girls outside for a picnic, it is me! I am notorious for pushing off playtime until the work is done. But time really does go so fast, and the world will not end if the laundry does not get finished today. Let the chores and to-do lists sit, and get down and play with your children!
Give them Some Control
One of my favorite styles of teaching is the Montessori style for kids because it teaches them how to do things them self. I am naturally very good at giving my girls the control to make decisions. Letting them have some control in day-to-day activities will not only teach your children how to be independent but it will make you look like a cool mom because your giving them that freedom. I will let me daughter take any toy she wants to bed with her once a week, I will ask her what she would like to have for dinner sometimes, and occasionally I will say “What do you want to do today” and then spend the entire day doing that with her! She get’s to feel in control and I get to watch her be so proud of herself because she is making the decisions.
Teach them to Have Pride
Piggy backing off that last paragraph, being a cool mom means that you want your kids to be proud of who they are, while still being humble. You do that by teaching them to be leaders instead of followers. I am naturally very bad at being sure of myself all the time, and many times in my life I have followed the crowd instead of my heart because I was afraid of being weird. My goal as a cool mom, is to give my children that constant support to do what they love and be who ever they want to be and show them that it is cool to be different. If my daughter wants to learn how to build a car engine, them by all means, I will set up a mechanic corner in the garage and help her to start a club that meets every week to work with wrenches!
Be a Friend WHILE being a Mom
One of the most controversial topics brought up about being a cool mom, that it is bad to be your child’s friend. I disagree with this. I think you can be your child friend while still being their mom. A friend is someone that you can open up to, that will look out for you, and that will always be there for you no matter what. Using authority to empower my children is how I can build a friendship relationship with my kids now, and not have to wait until they are adults. I remember as a kid wanting to know if my mom or dad ever made mistakes like I did, or if they ever had the struggles that I had. I loved learning that I was not a bad person for my mistakes and that I could learn from my parents’ mistakes as well as my own. Instead of feeling like I had to be afraid to be human, I could be open and honest about how I felt and that is something I want my own daughters to always feel they are able to do.
Understand Them
Get to Know Their Friends
My dad has always been amazing at this. He could sit down and have an hour long conversation with any of my girlfriends growing up. All my friends told me that they loved my dad, and Steve was always known as one of the cool dads. He took the time to actually get to know them as a person, and by doing that he was able to truly know me on a deeper level too. This is one thing I do not know if my dad even realizes that he taught me, but I want to be the same way in that I take a few moments to talk to my kids’ friends when they come over to play. “Hey Jonny, how did your science fair project do?”, “Hi Sally, I love your new hair cut! When did you get that done?”.
Go on Outings
I know it can be a hassle to pack up the kids, load into the car, and drive off to the amusement park, or ice cream shop for a few hours, but it is one of the best things you can do to build a relationship with them. Outside of the house and in other environments people naturally open up in ways that they might not normally at home. Going on outings is a great way to be a cool mom while being involved in your kids life and secretly staying on control of how they use their time and what they are learning! Outings are a great thing to do when they have friends over too in the same sense!
Host the Sleepovers
As much as you may be dreading it, consider being the host mom from time and time and just plain go all out. Invite all the little girls over, stock up on some cute snack plates and cups, make the living room the coolest princess blanket fort, and let them play and giggle until their little hearts content. You will not only be remembered as the coolest mom on the block, but you have the ability of really being a part of your kids fun without being annoying.
Be present without hovering
Following that, being present without hovering is a fine art and one that I plan to master as my kids grow. Let your kids and their friends know that you are there and you are the boss, but do not be a helicopter mom and give them some freedom to be kids. I know that teen years are hard and learning how to not embarrass my kids will be a trial and error sort of thing, but respecting my kids’ feelings is important to me and I want to do that by showing them that by following the rules, mom will give them the freedom that they seek.
Know the Trends
Have you ever been the one in the room who seems to be the only one who doesn’t know the song playing? I remember two years ago I did a blog post on what the cool toys for Christmas gifts were that year and being totally dumbfounded at what was out. I felt like I was totally out of the loop. Knowing what the latest trends are will make you cool not only to your kids but to your kids friends, and honestly it makes me feel younger too!
Lead by Example
At the end of the day, our children grow up watching us and learning from us. Take care of yourself, walk with pride, have fun, let things go, have your own hobbies, be in control, and try new things. Life is too short to be so worried about doing everything right, instead just do what you can and take the time to do it with all your heart.
Don’t forget to go read Casey’s post on What It Really Mean’s To Be A Good Mom HERE!