Today I am covering a mommy topic that I is very personal to me. When I first became a mother a little over a year ago, I experienced so many feelings and emotions that I did not expect (read my first birth story for a more detailed explanation of this). One of these new experiences is one I wish I had known about, and today I want to share my experience with D-MER because it is something that I did not know existed until I experienced it.
I believe, had I known about it ahead of time, it would have helped me handle the symptoms, and in all honestly would have saved me from fearing I was falling into a depression. I know that there are other moms out there who experience this same thing, and because D-MER is still in the beginning stages of research, I want to share my experience in the hopes that it helps other moms who may be in the same boat.
A Little Information
D-MER stands for Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex. By definition it is “a condition affecting lactating women that is characterized by an abrupt dysphoria, or negative emotions, that occur just before milk release and continuing not more than a few minutes“. When I first read about D-MER I found it via Google by searching “Homesick feeling when breastfeeding”. Apparently many other women out there were having the same sadness when breast feeding as I was. D-MER is a relatively new discovery due to women complaining of feeling sad, angry, or desperate when breastfeeding. It is not known for sure why this happens but the theory is this…
In order for milk to produce in lactating women, the prolactin levels needs to rise. In order for the prolactin levels to rise dopamine levels need to drop. Normally dopamine levels drop properly and most mothers do not even notice it happening. In D-MER Mothers, though, the dopamine levels drop too severely and cause a feeling of sadness, anger, or desperation which lasts for a few moments and then stabilizes after the milk comes in.
There are three levels of severity which are basically determined by the mother’s description of intensity, and some women actually end up needing medication. This is serious and real! I believe my level is moderate, but what helped me most is knowing that D-MER is a real thing and that I was not alone. Just being educated helps many women deal with D-MER fully.
My Experience
Breastfeeding already was a very emotional experience for me in the beginning. With my first born I spent the first ten days postpartum stressed and crying trying to get a handle on it. Breastfeeding is a very natural thing, but can be very hard at first when your milk is still coming in and both you and your baby are first learning how. My husband and I spent all Christmas Day figuring out the best position to get my dear daughter to latch! Oh I can look back now and laugh, but at the time it was very discouraging for me. As a mother we feel a strong urge to provide for our babies and I felt like I was failing at that.
I knew that after having a baby my hormones would be all over the place…
I had friends tell me there are days where you will just cry hysterically for no reason so I expected to feel a little bummed out during the first week after giving birth. It wasn’t until about 4 weeks postpartum that I started to mention to my husband that I felt guilty when I breastfed because instead of feeling a strong surge of love and connection I instead felt extremely sad and depressed. It felt like a pit would grow in my stomach and all I wanted to do was cry. I described it as a homesick feeling. It came on very abruptly and be very intense, and then would disappear just as quickly after only a few minutes.
I felt so bad that I did not enjoy breastfeeding.
Eventually It got to the point where I would feel anxious in-between feedings because I knew the emotion would come again. It even happened when I wasn’t breastfeeding and randomly throughout the day when I would experience a let-down. It got to the point where I was feeling very sad very often and I quickly started to assume I was experiencing postpartum depression.
This scared me so much. Postpartum depression was something I did know about and truly feared because I had dealt with depression and anxiety issues in the past. The last thing I wanted was for that to become a problem again. It was a dark time for me and I really wish I had gotten the information I have now so much sooner.
One day on a whim I Googled my symptoms and was startled to find SO MANY other women describing the exact same thing!
Feelings of intense and abrupt sadness, anger, or despair during let down or while breast feeding that would go away after a few minutes…. I wasn’t alone!
After further research I discovered that there was actually a name and a diagnosis for what I was experiencing!I am telling you all right now, even though the symptoms continued it never bothered me again after that day. Just knowing it was a normal bodily function that I had no control over, and that there was an explanation for it made me feel 100% better. It was not a dislike of breastfeeding, it was not a lack of love for my child or postpartum depression, and it is not “breastfeeding aversion”… It was simply a heavy drop of my dopamine level while my prolactin levels surged in order to create more milk. Truly, knowing and understanding this, I had no problem dealing with the sad fleeting emotions anymore.
More Information
It is amazing to me how incredible a mother’s body is and what all happens before, during, and after child birth. The whole thing is such a beautiful miracle! D-MER is something no one told me about, and not all women experience. But at the end of the day I feel fortunate that I was one of those women who experienced it because now I know what my body is doing for my baby on an even deeper level. Something I probably wouldn’t have even thought about had I not.
If you are a mother-to-be, or already a breastfeeding mother and you experience symptoms that may be D-MER, I hope that you find this resourceful and it beings you some sense of peace. For more information on D-MER in full, I recommend THIS ARTICLE! Here you can also find the book Before the Letdown: Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex and the Breastfeeding Mother that was written by Alia Macrina Heise, IBCLC who has been the forerunner in the discovery of D-MER.
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