I remember very clearly when I was pregnant with my second daughter, Ella, how nervous I was that I wouldn’t love her just as much as I did my first daughter. I was so scared that I couldn’t possibly love her as much, because I loved my first born, Aria SO MUCH. I did not know how I could have any more love to share. I felt guilty for even thinking these thoughts.
Fast forward to Ella’s birth and I felt even more scared about our connection because she was a c-section baby and unlike Aria, I did not get to hold her right away. I was so nervous we wouldn’t bond right away and in the same way, and you know what? We didn’t! For days I felt sick inside because, I loved my new baby girl so much, but it just wasn’t the same emotions I felt with my first born. It was different, it was more hesitant, it was slower…
As the months passed, slowly yet surely, Ella and I began to build a very special bond. It is a relationship that is rooted deep and builds a little bit more each day. My love with Aria was like a love-at-first-sight, head-over-heels obsession. I loved her with all my heart all at once, and it never falters. It is a constant strong love and to this day every little thing she does amazes me. Ella is my, bottom-of-my-heart, planted so deep, and growing-into-a-beautiful-blossom kind of love. A love that gets bigger every day and I am not sure that will ever stop.
I love my girls the exact same, but the loves I have for them are so different. I never knew I was capable of such a big love, and I never knew I could experience that big love in different ways. I am so thankful that I have had this journey in my life. Being a mother is something that has brought me such joy, such fear, such passion… It has changed me, it has saved me!
This is a bit of different kind of post, but I wanted to share this with you all because it is something that I feel others can relate to. It is normal to have fears in motherhood, it is normal to be challenged, to feel guilty, to not understand everything… But in the end just trust your heart, because what will happen is maybe something you could have never imagined.