Did you have a blankie, teddy bear, or other sort of lovey when you were a baby? Most children at some point in life do, and although most grow out of it by a certain age, there are also many who do not. I will be an open book here, I STILL sleep with my baby blankie every single night, I pack it with me when I go on trips, and sometimes I even take it in the car with me on long errand days! I am 31 years old, what is the matter with me, right? I am here today to get real about the security blanket and talking every angle, the good reasons for having one, the bad reasons for having one, and the ugly risks to having one.
Bonding Abilities
Of course I will be bias to the idea of a security blanket. I could tell you many stories about my blankie and how it helped me through tough times… tough times at 4 years old, tough times at 12 years old, tough times at 23 years old, and yes even to this day my blankie is my forever buddy. But aside from my personal opinion, there are a bunch of really smart people out there who also agree it is a good idea…
These special comforts are called transitional objects, because they help children make the emotional transition from dependence to independence. They work, in part, because they feel good: They’re soft, cuddly, and nice to touch. They’re also effective because of their familiarity. This so-called lovey has your child’s scent on it, and it reminds him of the comfort and security of his own room. It makes him feel that everything is going to be okay.
Despite myths to the contrary, transitional objects are not a sign of weakness or insecurity, and there’s no reason to keep your child from using one. In fact, a transitional object can be so helpful that you may want to help him choose one and build it into his nighttime ritual. (SOURCE)
Beyond that, there is also data proving that even adults can benefit from having a security blanket! The excerpt below is from a very interesting article that I encourage you to read in full. It goes over why security blankets or loveys are a natural thing and how more recent research continues to show that they are positive throughout childhood and adulthood! (SOURCE)
So why might grown-ups harbor affection for a ratty old blanket or well-worn stuffed dog? Part of the reason is probably nostalgia….but there seems to be a deep emotional attachment to the objects as well.
It’s called “essentialism,” or the idea that objects are more than just their physical properties. Consider: If someone offered to replace a cherished item, like your wedding ring, with an exact, indistinguishable replica, would you accept? Most people refuse….because they believe there is something special about their particular ring. It’s the same reason we might feel revulsion at wearing a shirt owned by a murderer. Objects are emotional. Belief in essentialism starts early. In a 2007 study published in the journal Cognition, Hood and his colleagues told 3- to 6-year-old children that they could put their toys in a “copy box” that would exchange them for duplicates. The kids didn’t care whether they played with originals or duplicates of most toys, but when offered the chance to duplicate their most cherished item, 25 percent refused. Most of those who did agree to duplicate their beloved toy wanted the original back right away, Hood reported. The kids had an emotional connection to that blanket, or that teddy bear, not one that looked just like it. Even in adulthood, those emotions don’t fade.
Self Comforting
Ok, now let’s talk the flip side of the debate. Why security blankets have negative affects, and why they should not be encouraged in childhood or ever….
It may be cute and adorable at first to buy the sweetest little teddy bear and let your new little one snuggle up with it, but it won’t be long when that attachment that is created, and becomes the ball and chain to your life. Who it responsible for keeping track of this lovey that is needed in order for your screaming toddler to go to sleep?
One of the main reasons a security blanket can be a negative thing is that it can become a bit of headache because it needs to be accounted for at home and often when out and about, it also needs to be kept clean, and maybe even possibly replaced. If a certain security blanket is not a replaceable item, that can cause issues down the road too. With that said some suggest the use of multiple “comfort object” options but to discourage the use of one particular security blanket.
Because a security blanket is a way for a child to self soothe, it can quickly become an object that can never get lost, is a fight to keep clean, and impossible to replace. All of this stress of such a tiny little object can be a lot for a parent or guardian to have to be in charge of… When I was about 6 years old, my Dad was having a bon fire with some friends, and I of course was enjoying the fire too and sitting outside with my blankie. At one point one of my Dads friends mistook my ratted old blankie to be a rag and wiped his hands on it and tossed it into the fire. I was completely heart broken at the sight and felt a loss like someone had died. I had to have it replaced, and of course it was. Later in life I was about 25 years old and left my blankie on an airplane by accident. I actually cried about it, and again had it replaced. Is this a normal thing to have a child or adult be so broken up over an object? Is that healthy?
These are good questions, and here is what I found on it…. A child can become dependent on their security object and that can cause issues now and later in life.
The object allows for and invites emotional well-being, and without such an object, true feelings may be concealed, suppressed, or dismissed as the infant/child has no other means by which to cope with, comprehend, and contend with the world. (SOURCE)
Attachment Issues
Following the previous section, I am lead into the darkest part in the debate of the security blanket. Mental health and issues with relationship dependency and inability to self-soothe, are parallel symptoms of those who become attached to a security blanket and carry that later into life. There have been studies that link the attachment to a security blanket to Borderline Personality Disorder…
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is characterized by tumultuous, unstable personal relationships, difficulty being alone, and an inability to self-soothe. This may explain why patients with BPD tend to develop strong attachments to transitional objects such as stuffed animals. Research in hospital settings has linked the use of transitional objects to the presence of BPD. (SOURCE)
To be completely honest, aside from that, I could not find a whole lot of data to back the idea of a security blanket or “comfort object” being a bad thing. But I was able to determine that having one can strengthen the understanding that it is likely childrearing practices involving frequent separation from parents rather than family background that are related to children’s dependence on non-social objects for a sense of security. (SOURCE)
There is more data supporting the positive benefits of a security blanket, but at the same time there is ground breaking evidence that those who are very connected to their security blanket can be a sign that they are deprived elsewhere in life and such as in their relationship with their parents. This may or may not be true in all cases and very likely not, but because it is an indication of some, it is something to be aware of.